I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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