I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
