Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
