Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
and you fell through a lawn chair
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize
