The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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