I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
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