Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
