He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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