She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
