just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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