Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
