I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
