I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize