My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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