She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Randomize
