You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
