im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
