Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
