alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
