What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
