Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
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