toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
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