please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize
