We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
