so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
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