You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
