My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
