I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Randomize
