I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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