Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Randomize
