I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
