she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
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