I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
