So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
