apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I need to sanitize my soul.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
