I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
