can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
