wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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