one might say we're banned from that church
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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