You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
