If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
