I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
