i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
