Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
