just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
