OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
