Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
