I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
