I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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