I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
