I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
