I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
