halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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