And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
i will never coherently bang her
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
