As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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