apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
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