I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
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