I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
