just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
smell my finger.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
