This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
