Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
you will always have a special place in my vag
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
