She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Randomize
