I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I'm too high and old for this...
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
