I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
So. Much. Porn.
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