I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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